I AM NOT HERE TO PLEASE YOU.

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via dissapolnted)

This a thousand, million times over

(via dreamandthecatchers)

(Source: feellng, via i-justcametosayyhello)

1 hour ago
37,271 notes

lilgremlingirl:

are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch

(Source: susgirl, via t0riiii)

1 day ago
584,527 notes
gettingahealthybody:

Mint is also said and in many cases proven to:
* Relieve symptoms of indigestion, heartburn and irritable bowel syndrome by relaxing the muscles in and around the intestine.
* Act as a powerful antioxidant, protecting the body against the formation of cancerous cells.
* Inhibit the growth of many different types of bacteria and fungus.
* Ease and unblock the breathing and respiratory passages and airways.
* Relieves the symptoms of colds and flu.
* Mint can help with nasal allergies.
* It can relieve congestion, head colds and headaches.
* Act as a mild sedative and has calming properties.
* Relieve minor aches and pains such as muscle cramps and sprains.
* Combat bad breath.
* Provides a cooling sensation to the skin and can help to treat minor burns, itching and skin irritations.
* Mint is a very good cleanser for the blood.
* Mint tea can help clear up skin disorders such as acne.
* This herb is filled with many vitamins.
* It contains carotene, the pigment which is part of Vitamin B complex family.
* It also contains good amounts of Thiamine.
* Riboflavin, essential for many biological functions in body, is also present in Mint.
* Niacin and Folic acid are also present.
* Minerals present in mint include:
Calcium, Phosphorus, Zinc, Copper, magnesium and manganese, Selenium and fluoride.

So what are you waiting for? Get drinking your way to health.

gettingahealthybody:

Mint is also said and in many cases proven to:

* Relieve symptoms of indigestion, heartburn and irritable bowel syndrome by relaxing the muscles in and around the intestine.

* Act as a powerful antioxidant, protecting the body against the formation of cancerous cells.

* Inhibit the growth of many different types of bacteria and fungus.

* Ease and unblock the breathing and respiratory passages and airways.

* Relieves the symptoms of colds and flu.

* Mint can help with nasal allergies.

* It can relieve congestion, head colds and headaches.

* Act as a mild sedative and has calming properties.

* Relieve minor aches and pains such as muscle cramps and sprains.

* Combat bad breath.

* Provides a cooling sensation to the skin and can help to treat minor burns, itching and skin irritations.

* Mint is a very good cleanser for the blood.

* Mint tea can help clear up skin disorders such as acne.

* This herb is filled with many vitamins.

* It contains carotene, the pigment which is part of Vitamin B complex family.

* It also contains good amounts of Thiamine.

* Riboflavin, essential for many biological functions in body, is also present in Mint.

* Niacin and Folic acid are also present.

* Minerals present in mint include:
Calcium, Phosphorus, Zinc, Copper, magnesium and manganese, Selenium and fluoride.


So what are you waiting for? Get drinking your way to health.

(via beautifulpicturesofhealthyfood)

1 week ago
1,791 notes
Sometimes you got to be your own hero and save your own heart because sometimes the people you can’t live without can live without you.
staypozitive:

"…how precious are your thoughts about me, O Lord; they outnumber the grains of sand" Psalm 139:17-18 

They outnumber the grains of sand; that’s just crazy. This is just one handful of sand from one beach, and I can’t even count it! And to think of how much sand there is in this entire universe. Dang. We are so loved.

staypozitive:

"…how precious are your thoughts about me, O Lord; they outnumber the grains of sand" Psalm 139:17-18 

They outnumber the grains of sand; that’s just crazy. This is just one handful of sand from one beach, and I can’t even count it! And to think of how much sand there is in this entire universe. Dang. We are so loved.

1 week ago
932 notes

alexxrossdaniels:

I’m not a fan of this whole sleeping alone shit.

(via t0riiii)

3 weeks ago
29,171 notes

unheat:

Sometimes I think you love me. Sometimes I think you like me. Other times, I think I’m nobody to you. Yeah, this sucks.

(Source: unheat, via pur3seduction)

1 hour ago
38,597 notes

90s90s90s:

bigbearoncampus:

notyouraveragelover:

Unf.

So she was just perfect since the womb? K.

Jurnee Bell

(Source: diamonds-areagirlsbestfriend)

6 days ago
25,396 notes

cozyqueen:

i am thinkin bout kissin u

(via spiritual-nippills)

1 week ago
24 notes
Do not try to be pretty. You weren’t meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don’t let anyone ever simplify you to just “pretty.”
Things I Wish My Mother Had Taught Me | d.a.s   (via presidentbillclinton)

(via i-justcametosayyhello)

3 weeks ago
234,485 notes